Mr. F told straight to my face last night that mulut I ni celupar sekarang. And yes, mulut I memang celupar aka laser aka takde insurance nowadays. Although he is right, he must be in his usual keji state of mind, or he is really blind to see how this celupar attitude of mine being created. Eh kejap, I lupa, dia memang blind heart to realise why.

And he is not the only one. Even my younger brother told me sometime last week that I was really being sarcastic nowdays to most people. Kat office jangan cakap lah, saper buat salah sekarang, memang kena maki hamun sesedap mulut I pada waktu itu. Tu tak masuk campak file or baling pen. Tinggal aku tak tampar orang aja lagi. One of the associates called me on Xmas eve asking me to control my temper as I was being a monster in office for the past few weeks. And he blamed my dissapointment of not getting the new house that made me  such a beast,  or better off, bitch in the office of the month. Yeah, I used to be the angel in the office, the problem solver, the peacemaker, but not so this past few weeks. I am tired of being the good girl. But I don’t like being the bad girl either, I don’t have my peace mind. But I am tired of telling the same thing to my office people who does not want to listen. At the end of the day, when problem arise, I am the one who have to solve it. And when I highlighted my points to the associate, of course he had to agree with me and he knows damn well that he is part of the problem too. Hence I told him off, unless he rectifies the problem, I am not going to be nice to him or anyone else at work.

Even my mother got a piece of my tantrum too. Not that I’m proud of it. Being kurang ajar to your parents is the last thing I want to do. My parents did not raise me to become mean person. But sometime,  I just had to tell off to my mom so that she will realise that I can’t swallow everything and let it go. I can’t no longer be Aida the mengalah one. It was hard, made me feel terible, bitter, full of anger, but if I don’t become the Ms. Very Mean Aida, then she won’t realise. Yes, there are ways to tell your parents that you were hurt by the gentle way, the polite way, but I’ve done those too, and I was taken for granted even more.

And I don’t know until when I will become this very mean person. Mr. F advised me to be more sabar. Banyak kali dia cakap suruh belajar sabar last night. Sabar with him? Huhuhuhu, as my favourite quote to him nowadays, “tunggu lagi 5 tahun! “

But I don’t simply pull out my tantrums. Only if you are mean to me. If you are nice to me, I am sure you find me the most delighful person on earth. Hahahaha.

But if you do shit to me, I give you back the shit.