Mr. F told straight to my face last night that mulut I ni celupar sekarang. And yes, mulut I memang celupar aka laser aka takde insurance nowadays. Although he is right, he must be in his usual keji state of mind, or he is really blind to see how this celupar attitude of mine being created. Eh kejap, I lupa, dia memang blind heart to realise why.

And he is not the only one. Even my younger brother told me sometime last week that I was really being sarcastic nowdays to most people. Kat office jangan cakap lah, saper buat salah sekarang, memang kena maki hamun sesedap mulut I pada waktu itu. Tu tak masuk campak file or baling pen. Tinggal aku tak tampar orang aja lagi. One of the associates called me on Xmas eve asking me to control my temper as I was being a monster in office for the past few weeks. And he blamed my dissapointment of not getting the new house that made me  such a beast,  or better off, bitch in the office of the month. Yeah, I used to be the angel in the office, the problem solver, the peacemaker, but not so this past few weeks. I am tired of being the good girl. But I don’t like being the bad girl either, I don’t have my peace mind. But I am tired of telling the same thing to my office people who does not want to listen. At the end of the day, when problem arise, I am the one who have to solve it. And when I highlighted my points to the associate, of course he had to agree with me and he knows damn well that he is part of the problem too. Hence I told him off, unless he rectifies the problem, I am not going to be nice to him or anyone else at work.

Even my mother got a piece of my tantrum too. Not that I’m proud of it. Being kurang ajar to your parents is the last thing I want to do. My parents did not raise me to become mean person. But sometime,  I just had to tell off to my mom so that she will realise that I can’t swallow everything and let it go. I can’t no longer be Aida the mengalah one. It was hard, made me feel terible, bitter, full of anger, but if I don’t become the Ms. Very Mean Aida, then she won’t realise. Yes, there are ways to tell your parents that you were hurt by the gentle way, the polite way, but I’ve done those too, and I was taken for granted even more.

And I don’t know until when I will become this very mean person. Mr. F advised me to be more sabar. Banyak kali dia cakap suruh belajar sabar last night. Sabar with him? Huhuhuhu, as my favourite quote to him nowadays, “tunggu lagi 5 tahun! “

But I don’t simply pull out my tantrums. Only if you are mean to me. If you are nice to me, I am sure you find me the most delighful person on earth. Hahahaha.

But if you do shit to me, I give you back the shit.

Why?

Baru fax surat revoke Sale&Purchase Agreement for the house to both law frim & the bank.

Whua…………………………………….

Now confirm burnt deposit & lawyer fees. Whua……………………

So sad, really sad.

(I tau nanti korang semua suruh sabar banyak2 and accept Qada&Qadar kan, but still, I want to be sad for a while. Boo Hoo Hoo……, but I am treating myself for shopping trips at malls in KL and kawasan yang sewaktu dengannya, that is for my stress therapy, :p )

House currently renting : OK, safe, but need to be cleaned. I dok kuar masuk past 3 weeks tak sempat kemas apa, so weekend ni kena kemas. Nak kena trim pokok2 kat luar tu. Kalau malas jugak, tak tau la nak kata apa Aida Yurani ni.

The house bought : Aiyoh! Ini kes berat. I’ve spoken to both lawyers, the house loan and the S&P. Both said wait for the report to be issued end of this week or next week. If the condo is declared not safe, then, I can claim the deposit back. Tapi lawyer fees kira burnt lah. If the condo declared safe, but I want to revoke it, then I kena pay the penalty. Meaning forfeit whatever deposit I have paid. I don’t think I want to proceed with the house after the landslide case.

The bank has not transferred any money to the owner of the house. Nasib baik. Kalau tak, parah jugak. Tapi sayang lah duit yang dah bayar tu. Ni kira part of money that I save since I start working in 1997. Yang sikit2 simpan tu. Whua…. Of course lah banyak jugak yang di keluarkan untuk belanja itu-ini, and also help my parents for my siblings’ wedding. Tapi kalau kes rumah ni I yang kena revoke the S&P, kira gone itu duit for nothing. Last night I kira2 banyak jugak. Deposit dah bayar RM11k out of RM21K, lawyers fee dah bayar RM4k, furniture baru dah bayar RM4k. Dah total RM19k dah tu. I know I can still keep the furniture, but I dah berangan-angan nak decorate the new house with a new style & colour. Nasib baik I tak beli other stuff lagi, baru aja list down. Now I need to transport current house furniture to Seremban so that I can bring in the new furniture bought. Belanja lagi!

Memang rasa frust sangat. Dulu simpan duit untuk kahwin. Orang tu tak nak kahwin dengan kita, so I thought, okay lah, beli rumah. Now rumah also dah tak leh duduk. Whua……………………

Yes, duit boleh cari, tapi memang rasa frust betul ni. Ni kena start balik saving duit. Dah lah business slow giler last month and this month. Rasa2 bulan depan I cannot belanja anything, ada dapat basic salary ja ni kalau sales zero. My mom said kalau kena rugi deposit tu, rugi lah, nanti kalau nak kawen ke, beli rumah lain ke, nanti dia bagi duit. Hmm… dia pun dah pencen, mana pulak nak ada duit.

So, at this moment, I kena banyak2 sabar. It is not the end of the life yet. Masih lagi boleh get married and buy a new house, seriously, compared to others yang langsung takde duit, nak makan pun tak boleh. Maybe ada hikmah behind all things happened.

Now nak beli rumah, at least kena wait lagi 2 years. Nak kawen, oh, itu kena wait lagi 6 tahun, 7 bulan 8 hari! (Oh, kawen tetap dalam agenda, cuma now kena lambat sket, ikut timing AAJ .Kalau hidup takde wawasan nak berkahwin and berkeluarga, pada saya adalah satu yang tidak normal, pada saya lah, lain orang lain pandangan) And for time being, kurangkan makan kat luar, and lavish food, no buying handbags & shoes for next 3 whole year, no buying clothes, beli kain, tudung etc, etc, No going to KLCC after work, no window shopping, no wayang every other week, no jalan-jalan, no jalan2 cari makan, Whua………………………….

Sabar aida, sabar!